Due to the recent online beef between Youtubers I had not come across before (Tati and James Charles) I felt the need to discuss online debates, honesty, “receipts” aka texts sent and screenshot, and the power of being honest or holding back online.
Since starting this blog I have lost my job and ended a relationship in relatively short amount of time. The change from both can leave anyone feeling grief, upheaval and uncomfortable. Due to my optimistic nature I saw both as an opportunity to start again. Whilst in both I knew there were not for me, I was not enjoying them, they were not serving me and I should just quit both of them.
The routine and the reliability that a relationship and a steady job provide are blessings. They allowed me to take up other hobbies as I could compartmentalise my time, e.g taking up Japanese lessons on Monday evenings, even though my colleagues would berate me for leaving on time on Mondays, it was a joyful and useful way to spend my time.
Having left the routine behind I now feel a sense of despair, not for the job or the relationship but perhaps the way it forced me to conform, to tick the boxes of employed and taken so that my friends, family and society would no longer worry about me. Strangely being free from those has allowed me to crave the routine, miss the money which would allow travel but honestly, not much else.
While to some a situation where you leave your job and your relationship seems ridiculous and self sabotage, for me, it was exactly what I needed to do.